Last resorts.
Interview by
Leena Härkönen |
Viimeinen syli ('The last
embrace', Otava, 1998)
The hospital looked as if a child had been given a big pile of building
blocks and told to make a house, a big house. And then, when the building
was ready, more bricks had been brought, and the child had been forced
to pile them up over a wider and wider area, to spread rows of blocks
across the adults' routes and over the edge of the carpet until at
last it had grown bored and left the last blocks higgledy-piggledy
next to its creation.
Around the hospital ran a road from
which the whole mess was revealed. Wing after wing, corridors and
windows from which no one really ever looked out. The hospital was
full of window views that did not belong to anyone, which did not
open up from anyone's office or day-room, but varied meaninglessly
like a motorway landscape from the window of an accelerating car.
Viivi had been born there, on the sixth floor of the old part of the
hospital. As Mikael waited in the tiled fathers' room next to the
room where the Caeserean section was being carried out for his child
to be brought to him, the view out had been breathtaking.
The entire city, and the water behind
it, the ragged, summer-glimmering water and countless islands. And
the girl had been like a slightly squashed tomato, a solid lump of
tears and flesh and movement. As he held Viivi, Mikael had known he
would remember the hospital like this, and that feeling was still
with him, despite the hundreds of dead bodies that had followed.
The road was covered in clean snow,
and as beautiful as if it had been swept for a sleigh-ride. Mikael
steered the car with one hand and fished a fruit pastille out of the
glove compartment. The week before, he had fetched from the radiation
department a man of his own age who had weighed 38 kilograms when
he was put into the coffin. Mikael chewed the pastille flat and played
with it as he had done as a child, when all liquorice and raspberry
ovals had to be chewed into discs which were then stuck on to the
front teeth: look, girls, I've lost a tooth.
Mikael waited for a moment in front
of the chapel door to let another bloke from an out-of-town funeral
parlour get his corpse into his car. The provincial forensic doctor's
car was parked outside a separate building containing bodies found
in the forest or which had been out in the open for a long time and
which could not therefore been brought into the hospital morgue. There
was no access from the infection wing to the other parts of the hospital:
the staff entered from outside and changed their clothes before they
came out. Rhea, who did not generally ask any questions about Mikael's
work, had once been curious as to what kind of place it was. Mikael
had thought for a moment and then shook his head.
'A man's place,' he had said, smiling
a little. Rhea had echoed his smile and asked no more.
When the other car had gone, Mikael
reversed the Chevy up to the morgue door. Behind the door there flickered
the figure of Keijo; then the door opened.
'Hi.'
'Hi. Jauhiainen, Matti Antero.'
Keijo looked him in the eyes and grimaced,
then, his breath vapourising, eyed the surrounding pine coppice. He
had just got married, and returned from a two-week trip to Greece.
His face was brown and softly wrinkled, even though he was not yet
forty.
'I'll give you Jauhiainen,' Keijo muttered.
'I'm so damned sleepy.'
'Have a lie-down, do you good,' Mikael
said and, with Keijo, grabbed the coffin. Keijo muttered something
about the box being too small - he was over six foot. As they carried
the coffin to the rostrum at the centre of the chapel, Mikael reflected
that there was no other man with whom he had this kind of relationship.
With Keijo he had to talk about fishing, about liquor, damn it! Once
Mikael had told Keijo he liked to order vodka and Coke in restaurants,
all though in fact he always drank gin and tonics, like Rhea. The
way Keijo talked was like the back-fin of a perch under the dull blade
of a pocket-knife.
Mikael opened the lid of the coffin
at the feet, Keijo at the head. The screws were at the same time decorative
and sanctifying crosses which many people would not identify as screws.
Many relatives who came with Mikael to see their loved one into the
coffin were amazed that there were no hinges on the coffin lid. Sometimes
Keijo began to smile in the midst of the mourner's wonderment, and
said something about Hollywood's lies, Draculas and others who tried
to sit up. Some funeral worker had seen to it that Keijo was issued
with a warning.
When the lid was open and had been laid
across some chairs, Mikael fetched a shroud from the car. It reached
to the knees and was completely open at the back, and at its neck
was a black ribbon. The chapel was calmingly decorated in shades of
brown and cream, tapestries sewn on to transparent fabric and, on
the gable wall, a grey wooden cross with a silver border.
Mikael followed Keijo into the cold-storage
room, one of whose side walls was made of steel. On the wall were
doors labelled with the names of the corpses stored there. There was
room for 39, but only a few of the cupboards contained corpses. Mikael
drew a pair of disposable gloves on to his hands and waited for Keijo
to open the right door.
There was a blast of cold air from inside
the door, and the sound of the cold-storage machinery grew louder.
One cupboard held three corpses, one on top of the other, covered
with sheets. Keijo checked the name and pulled the corpse forward
as if it were a baking-tray full of biscuits. Underneath the blanket
was an old man lying naked and sewn-up, his mouth a little ajar.
The frame from the cold-storage unit
was pulled on to a stretcher, and Mikael began to pull socks on to
the man's feet. The cold, purple foot pushed the shapeless sock into
something like the shape of a human foot. Keijo set the sawn-off top
of the skull better in place and asked whether the corpse would be
on view in the funeral chapel. Mikael shook his head. It was as if
the back of the man's head had slipped backward; the glued-looking
flap made him look like a skullcapped Jew with his white hair. Keijo
grasped the man by his right hand, Mikael by his left and, turning
the body between them, they managed to get the shroud on. The old
man's fingers were blue-grey under the nails; his ring-finger had
been removed. Keijo said they wouldn't be able to get his teeth into
his jaws.
'I just can't get used to this frost,'
Keijo chattered as they pushed the corpse into the chapel beside the
coffin and grasped it by its legs and its stiff arms. Mikael held
his breath as the corpse was carefully rolled into the coffin; he
remembered how a relative's subdued weeping had broken off as the
smell of the corpse had emerged from beneath the shroud during the
lifting. The door of the autopsy room behind the cold-storage was
open, and Mikael waved at a woman who walked into the doorway, a hose
in her hand and rubber boots on her feet, the plastic shield lifted
from her eyes. The woman was Armi, the cleaner and tool-maintenance
woman.
'We tasted our last bottle of ouzo with
the wife last night,' Keijo smiled contentedly, setting a lace-edged
cloth on the dead man's face. 'It was really good. We're going to
book another sunshine holiday after Christmas.... What about the flowers?'
'I forgot,' Mikael muttered. He had
realised his mistake only as he waited for the departure of the last
hearse from in front of the chapel. Even though the mourners hadn't
particularly asked for it, Michael always set a little bunch of flowers
on the dead person's chest under the coffin-lid.
When everything was ready, they screwed
the lid on once more. Mikael could still remember the relief with
which he had jerked the screws tight six years ago, when he had accompanied
the then owner of the funeral parlour and seen his first corpse. As
he emerged from the morgue he had staggered over to the slope in front
of it and leant his hands on his knees for a long time, his throat
making sounds like a tap from which, even when turned to its extreme
position, no water comes. He had not, in the end, vomited, not even
at home that evening; it was as if his nausea had choked him.
Who had told him the dead were white
as sheets? Pallid? Pale?
They were bluish, garish as a stormy
sky painted in a child's watercolours. Around the stomach and the
liver they were greenish, and the skull was pale violet, the ear-lobes
brownish-green. Nothing recalled a dead body as little as a lily.
The form was not beautiful; neither
was the colour.
After that experience, Mikael could
no longer understand the desire of some relatives to will life back
into the dead body. Once death had glued the eyelids together, had
closed them from inside with its cold clamps, the eyes could never
see again; only a complete idiot, someone who knew nothing about anything,
could hope that life, a twinkle of humour, tears or sullen glances
could ever return to that face.
What had gone would not come back. No
one could want it to return if they had seen in their lives even one
week-old corpse. There was nothing else to be done but to bury it.
Mikael pushed the coffin on to the rack
of his car and closed the door. If the back door had not been made
of smoked glass, a placard would have been visible through the window
bearing the name Matti Jauhiainen.
The name would have peered sadly into
the world and seen all the trees which surrounded the hospital over
a wide area. Mikael had once, years ago, had a dream from which he
had awoken beside Rhea. He had been at his school desk and been asked
to answer his teacher's question: which are the trees of life and
death?
'The trees of life are birch lime rowan!'
Mikael had shouted, his shoulders straight as a ruler, his mouth a
horn pointing toward his teacher. She had nodded expectantly.
'And the trees of death are pine redwood
red pine!'
Rhea had not seen anything amusing about
the dream.
Keijo stood in the frost, shivering,
and took the plastic gloves Mikael gave him.
'Come again.'
'We'll see.'
Mikael took a Finnish flag from the
car and set it in the little holder on the left-hand side of the chassis.
The flag stiffened in the frost into a melancholy napkin.
If there was a relative of the deceased
in the car, Mikael generally put a music cassette on to play at this
point. There was a row of them in a little hollow next to the passenger,
mostly classical music. Rhea had said that Mikael did it in order
not to have to talk to his clients, to listen to their confessions
and their sorrow. Mikael had answered with a chuckle: as a professional
listener, Rhea could not even imagine what it was like to have to
talk about someone who had been. Had been this and done that, loved
this and wanted all sorts of things - and generally never got them
- and who above all had ceased to exist. Was no longer. Anything.
Mikael had said to Rhea that hearing about an unknown dead person
was like hearing praise for movies, film-stars or thinkers one did
not know.
'You and your Bourdieu,' Mikael had
said. 'Your Kristeva, your Lacan, your Derrida, your Levinas, your
Baudrillard - and me and my Ahonen and Jokinen and Lahtinen.'
'It's a completely different thing,'
Rhea had countered. 'We have a book-case; just get reading!'
The Chevrolet's engine was purring almost
soundlessly, so quiet at forty kilometres per hour that the purr of
the tyres on the snowy road was almost the only sound. Mikael always
drove the same route to the old burial ground, circling the centre
to the north, behind the vocational school and the university's chemistry
faculty, along the streets of the old workers' quarter. The buildings
were deep at the ends of tiled paths or behind hedges of hawthorn,
and the people who lived there were not like those who had lived there
decades ago. As an apprentice in the office of his predecessor, Mikael
had heard plenty about the history of this part of the city. His predecessor
had pointed out buildings scarcely discernible from the street perspective
and listed their former inhabitants: the old bakery, whose master-baker
killed his wife and himself and his two children, and the old bordello.
The whores sent their new-born babies to orphanages, and a bomb went
off in that building there. Over there the Whites slaughtered women
and children in the garden during the civil war, and that is an old
isolation hospital; I was there as a six-year-old with diphtheria.
The sky had begun to lighten, so that
the frost crystals could be made out as dense swarms in the air, and
the smoke from the chimneys rose vertically in thick columns. Mikael
liked the route, how the buildings, at his slow pace, slipped by like
the jetties of internal waterways in the films of the first half of
the century. There were Christmas lights in each window; the trees
of every garden were covered with a veil of light. Farther away, the
traffic lights discernible at the cross-roads shone green. Mikael
glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw that a queue of traffic had
formed, streaming in the frost.
Before the cross-roads there were old,
thick-sided birch-trees, and amid them a brown stuccoed house where
the parents of the current mayor had lived. The traffic lights were
at red, and the street beyond the cross-roads was empty right up to
the church. The church tower rose like a giant bell-hanger, and Mikael
pressed the accelerator lightly.
As if a crow had flown before him from
somewhere to the right. The car rose, tilted and collapsed back on
to the road; the back wheels spun so that the windscreen scraped against
the birch branches and Mikael realised he had skidded backwards past
the traffic lights and into the middle of the intersection.
A black bundle lay on the road in front
of the stationary queue of traffic, and Mikael realised that drivers
were emerging. Car doors were being slammed; someone ran toward the
figure on the ground is if he were chasing bank-notes that had fallen
from an aeroplane. Mikael drove the car off the intersection, parked
it by the pavement and got out.
The frost crunched beneath his feet
as he crossed the road, half-running. People had gathered around the
figure on the ground, which was whimpering. Then Mikael realised that
it was not a human voice, but came from someone's mobile phone.
'You ran her over, call the bloody....'
Mikael bent over to look. A vapour of
breath came from the mouth, a small, soft eddy by the nose. The scarf
was red and still carefully wrapped beneath the black woollen coat.
The head was bloody beneath the cheek, but the eyes were moving. Mikael
gazed into the eyes, and was still gazing when someone nudged him
on the shoulders with a leather-gloved hand and said this is the man.
Someone in a padded coat pushed past
Mikael as if to kiss the woman on the ground, to fumble her lips with
his cheeks and mouth and ears.
'What's your name?' the man asked.
Black blood came out of the woman's
mouth with her tongue. Her eyes turned to Mikael.
'She is my ex-wife,' Mikael heard himself
say. 'Erja Dufva.'
Translated
by Hildi Hawkins
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